....Breaking.....Controversy continues to surround the former crossing guard from America's smallest town. In a scene reminiscent of a Charles Dickens novel, Sarah Palin allegedly attempted to sell a small boy to local pirates for "snake whiskey" at the waterfront today. While Palin has long been rumored to have engaged in numerous liaisons with local teens, the age of the new boy shocked even die hard fanatics of Palin.
"I heard her tell that little boy to shut up and get on that boat.."
Local stump farmer Melvin Duphus shook his head in puzzlement as he recalled the bizarre scene.
"At first I just figured she was all liquored up on corn drippings, but once I got a whiff of that snake whiskey, I knew something wasn't right."
Campaign staffers quickly interceded and the unnamed boy was reunited with his parents, both volunteers for the Obama campaign.
Palin did little to dispel the cloud of doubt that surrounds her long shot bid for the "vultures seat", as the Vice Presidential office is sometimes described. When asked about the incident, Palin allegedly described the boy as "hot" and worth at least two or three bottles of "Jesus Juice". Most objective observers interpreted this remark as despicably racist and a deliberate slur against presidential shoe-in Barrack Obama.
Barrack Obama could not be immediately reached for comment, but several "A" list celebrities close to Obama made it clear that the teetotaling senator was saddened, and that he prays for Palin at least five times a day.
No charges have been filed yet as a result of the incident, however many local residents attribute that to a decimated and demoralized police force, a result of Palins still unresolved "Trooper Gate" scandal. The sentiment around town was echoed time and again by numerous anonymous sources.
"Ain't no Trooper gonna' mess with the Barracuda, not unless they want to sleep with the fishes."
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